When I was around 14 or 15 my mother took me shopping for school clothes. I was being typically stubborn. I had an idea in my head of what I wanted to look like and nothing seemed to fit right, or feel right, or magically transform me into one of those girls in Seventeen magazine.
I was in the dressing room and she was passing me clothes and waiting outside. I must have said something snotty about the latest outfit when my mother, obviously at her wits end, invented what we now refer to as the "sigh shout" (You can imagine it, can't you?) I just remember hearing, "Open your mind Elisabeth!"
And of course, she was right. The next thing she handed me was the cutest pair of khaki pants I've ever owned. Somehow, they seemed to go with every shirt and sweater we had picked out. Suddenly the dressing room was full of possibilities - skirts and cardigans, jeans and t-shirts, one great dress and that pair of khaki's - I had a years worth of great outfits and a closet full of cute clothes. And it was all because I "opened my mind."
2012 was not a great year for me. I don't know if something changed in me - maybe it was my age - maybe it was my children getting older - maybe it was a change in my relationship with my husband - but 2012 was tough. Things needed to change, drastically. I started reading articles "How To Be Happy Every Day Of Your Life" and "How To Keep Your Career And Family In Balance" and "Why Do You Think The World Owes You Anything." I applied the things, all the experts said I needed, to my life.
I tried to eat better. I tried to get more sleep. I tried to create time for myself. I tried to find a new hobby. I tried to get some exercise and I tried to find something every day that I was grateful for. But the truth is, I didn't really feel any better. I could fake it better - but inside, I still felt, hollow - and it was pissing me off.
So I threw out all the expert advice, and I went back to what my mother told me. I opened my mind. I stopped thinking that I had to work so hard to make myself better and I told myself I just was better. And magically, I was. The Universe started throwing good things at me. My relationships at work improved. My relationships at home improved. And I noticed that I had a new cache of friends, that really meant something to me.
Some of my new friends weren't new friends at all. I had known them for years. But somehow, opening my mind to new possibilities, and opening my heart to new people, and removing the wall of "I only need one friend" allowed all kinds of people new access to me.
I complained for years about feeling lonely and isolated and desperate for some kind of real human contact. I worked hard in my existing relationships to dig deeper. Imagine a cold dark diamond mine. There I am, searching and digging and working to get every last diamond I can out of that mine. But it's just depleted. I give up, walk out of the darkness, and see nothing but diamonds, just lying on the ground, shining in the sun, waiting for me to pick them up. It was that easy. I stopped working so hard, and I got more of what I'd been searching for in the first place.
My new friends have told me point blank, that they didn't think there was room for them in my life before, and now they feel welcome. That's true. I was so busy being closed off, and protected, and working hard to maintain a single relationship, that I wasn't opening my mind to other people. And now that I have, I'm much happier.
Occasionally my mother still calls and says "Open your mind Elisabeth." And sometimes I just hear her saying it in my head. My point is this, whether it's a closet full of cute clothes, or a life full of new friends, sometimes all you have to do is...open your mind.
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